Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Dubya To Campaign Against Hillary
Bex:
Dubya, sir, it is due to the corruption of the GOP during the last 8 years that gives Hillary a good chance to win. How will you campaign?Dubya:
As any mature adult would.
Dubya Explains One More Time
Bex:
Dubya, what is a compassionate conservative?Dubya:
Damn it, Bex, it's Dubya, Sir!!Bex:
Sorry Dubya, Sir! Dubya , Sir, please define compassionate conservative.Dubya:
How many more times must I explain this?
Gollum Raps Your Troubled Mind
Ever have a troubled day where you need rest and peace? Well Gollum is here to rescue you. Gollum says,
Listen and enjoy. Gollum knows what your need. Yes, Gollum Raps Your Troubled Mind
Will Dubya star On a Reality Show?
Truth to make you upchuck.
Bex:
Dubya, which TV show does all of America want you on?Dubya:
The one I most do not want to be on.
Big Oil Keeps Secret The Unending Source Of natural Gas
Big Oil wants to keep this secret. Source of energy to heat world during winter.
Beans quickly replenish source if it ever decreases.Big Oil says,
We can't let Bex publish this.
Pigs Are Flying
FEC says Al Sharpton overspent and wants mucho moola returned.
Half of US sent to hospital due to weakness from laughing too much.
Read at own risk: Grave danger of dying from laughter.
Hurry To Exercise Class
Safety in the workplace is important.
Common sense helps.
What about when exercising?
Prez Dubya Is Proud Of VP Chenney
Bex:
Dubya, don't you think Dick is rich enough?Dubya:
Never too much of a good thing.
Babes Only
Babe magnet says,
Yes, if you are a babe and very lucky, you can take me to your prom.
First, I need to interview your parents to make sure you are a good girl. (Don't want to sully my reputation)
Send $20 and pictures (close-ups and at 10-20 feet). If you pass, you will be entered in the drawing.Winner can take me to prom. (Bring mucho $)
Dubya Explains Secret Of Leadership
Bex:
Dubya, sir, what is the most fair way to characterize your supporters?Dubya:
To exactly what they are.
Prez Dubya Reveals Truth
Bex:
Dubya, sir, what do you think is the most important thing in leadership?Dubya:
.Bex, there is no question that one needs to mucho of these.
Bex Apologizes To Cats
This site has made fun of cats. Some posts said they are evil, stupid, useless, can't be trained, etc.However, a cat lover showed Bex the error of his ways.
There is one thing that a cat is made for that a dog would never dream of doing.
It is reason enough for everyone to have at least one cat although several would be more practical.
Kitty cat says,
I must trudge on or face the whip.
Infertility Problem Solved
Young couple tried for 8 years to have child and finally go to feterility clinic.
Tests prove both are fertile. What the problem?
Researchers solve problem. If you are married and just can't concieve, did you try this?
The correct solution.
Prez Dubya Proudly Recalls How He Helped People Exercise By Walking
Bex:
Dubya, you ravage the environment. Will you ever protect it?Dubya:
I will immediately get rid of those high things that get in peoples' way when they walk.
CA Governor Sues Toy Company
The governor of California recently sued a toy company for making a Bobble-head to represent him.
Wrong tatic. That costs money. A much simpler solution is at hand.
Thief Repents In Middle Of Crime
Man decides to steal fuel from camper. After all, doesn't gasoline cost too much?
But, he realizes error of ways at beginning of crime and repents.
So sorry for crime, he tosses cookies at scene. Just the thought of the crime makes him heave.Thief says,
Man, that crime left a bad taste in my mouth.
NOW,NUW, And DNC Sue Bex For All He's Got
Democrats, NOW, and National Union of Women rant and rage:
Damn Bex! Here he goes again showing Mama and Papa bear suffering from the loss of their poo-bear due to illness.They yell:
Sissy bears. Rejoice that you can have sex with no responsibility. We kill our own for that purpose.
Prez Explains Why You Should Vote For The GOP
Bex:
Dubya, give one reason why anyone would vote for the GOP.Dubya:
Who else could do this?
Prrez Dubya Explains Cabinet Meetings
More unfortunate, puke-inducing truth.Bex:
Dubya, how do you entertain your staff during meetings?Dubya:
It's like a pep rally.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Tennis Star Gives Anti-Drug Talk
Jennifer Capriati deplores use of steroids in athletics.Jen says,
Those losers who can't win fairly. They need their drugs to beat honest, anti-drug, steroid-hating, good athletes like me.Kids, let me be your idol. A decent workout is all you need..Jen's inspirational poster.
Fair Maids, Here's A Prince For You
Handsome prince turned into something else by evil spell.
Spell can only be broken by smooch from fair maiden.
Prince says,
Hurry fair lady, for your kiss I'm eager.
What? Political Incorrectness Is Correct?
Bill Cosby, America's Dad, had the gall, the nerve, the audacity, the actual audacity, to say something that is, of all things, politically incorrect.
He blamed some blacks and their parents for some of their own troubles.
Black educator sputters,
That, that is not politically correct. Therefore, you must be a, a racist. Every non-bigot knows it is all society's fault, blah, blah, blah,...ad infinitum.
Pre-teen Girl Out To Destroy Democrats
Young lass wants to be fully clothed.
Gets promise from bigwig for more fabric in clothing so as to be decent.
Sluts, B-girls, starlets, and other of that ilk in shock.
Democrats say,
If that becomes a trend, what about the desires for abortions, birth-control, etc ? Who would vote for us?
Hanoi Jane Wants Full Truth
Hanoi Janes laments,
This picture shows the true me, but what about the rest of the Democratic principles I stand by. This picture ignores that part.
Catholic Bishop Does His Duty
Catholic bishop has moral fortitude to be politically incorrect.He says that promoting homosexuality is to promote evil.
Lesbian is shocked and says,
To be with one's queerly beloved today is the current fad.
To be against this is politically incorrect.
To be politically incorrect is to be assure a spot in hell.
I Can Smell Evil
Super heroes risk life and limb every day to protect you and me.
Should you tell one his cape, or boots, or mask is dirty?
Of course not. It probably got that way doing his job.
This super hero says, er...
is this a skid mark?
He-Man Takes On Sissy
Sissy goes into bar and is tired of being teased.
Has been practicing drinking beer and issues challenge.
Chug-a-lugs beer in 45 seconds.
He man says,
Ha! Watch and learn.
Monday, June 4, 2007
Virginia Knows How To Enforce Law
Criminal cries and begs to get out of prison. Virginia Supreme Court says,
We know how to treat criminals. Rot in prison, and be a man about it, you low-life.
In April, the Virginia Supreme Court turned down the petition for a new trial for Aleck J. Carpitcher, who was sentenced in 1999 to 38 years in prison for molesting an 11-year-old girl even though she recently told authorities she made up the whole incident to punish Carpitcher, who was at the time dating the girl's mother. The justices cited state law, which allows consideration of "new evidence" only if it is submitted within three weeks of the sentencing date. [Daily Press (Hampton Roads)-AP
Finallly, Discipline In A School
Students running amuck as teachers and good students cower is norm for public schools.
In this school, administration takes action after boy sets girls hair on fire and uses knife to threaten.
Administration says,
We always take this kind of action to see that the victim is no longer assaulted.
Bone Breaker Has Soft spot
He sighs,It saddens me to bodily harm others, because the noise bothers Fluffy. But, I gotta be me.
Sunday, June 3, 2007
No Freeloaders Allowed
Boy goes on class trip to zoo. Does not want to pay required fee. Thinks he is too goo to have to pay.
Makes big fuss, but finally pays. Class and teacher upset and angered.
Rules are rules.
NOW Reverses Policy
The National Organization of Women issued this statement,
We apologize for and regret the pain, suffering, divorces, abortions, lies, bribes, etc, we have encouraged and done in the name of feminism. From now on we will insist all women follow our new rules. Those who digress will be shot.
Our "new" rules.
Bex wants Answer From NOW
This site posted a court statement given by female President of University of Colorado.She swore that calling a woman a c _ _ _ could be a term of endearment.
Bex can see no redeeming value, no positive outcome, no good reason, no excuse, for anyone to use that term on any woman. To say it could be a term of endearment is simply a lie.If a male said this there would be no limit to the negative media published, and NOW, rightfully so, would be in the forefront.
NOW's response to be published tomorrow.
Dubya And Hillary Unite To Save World
They agree to continue never telling truth, because the aftermath would look like this all over world.
NOW's Non-Response To Bex
NOW did not respond to Bex's querry about their silence when a woman said calling a woman a c _ _ _ can be a term of endearment.
Hence, Bex resorted to detecting through their trash can and found drafts of internal memo printed below.MEMO: NOW Hqtrs to all good NOW members:
a. That damn Bex keeps harping on us to respond to woman prez of UC who said calling a woman the "c" word could be a term of endearment.b. Everyone knows that is a lie, and her purpose is to win a lawsuit of sexual harrasment against UC.c. We could say she is a man is disguise and let loose with all our firepower. (Rejected: She bore children.)d. She is female, and we are for all females at all times, right or wrong, as long as you are big-shot with influence.BOTTOM LINE: We ignore situation, and it all goes away.
Penn State Does Its Bit For Political Correctness
Penn State proudly proclaims,
Others talk about doing something, but we, the great Penn State, are doing something that will cause other universities to be always jealous.
They will weep and moan that they did not think of it first.
The honor will always be our's.
Milk, Tea, Or...er, Chops?
Generous son ofers Dad milk and tea.
Dad is also hungry, so sneaks off to freezer.
Dad says,Well, well. Fresh meat indeed.
Bex Helps The consumer
Bex copied actual warning labels from consumer goods to ensure you know how to use them.
On Sears hairdryer:Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos:You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap:Directions: Use like regular soap.
On some Swann frozen dinners:Serving suggestion: Defrost.
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)Do not turn upside down.
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:Product will be hot after heating.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:Do not iron clothes on body.
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:Do not drive car or operate machinery.
On Nytol sleep aid:Warning: may cause drowsiness.
On a Korean kitchen knife:Warning: keep out of children.
On a string of Christmas lights:For indoor or outdoor use only.
On a food processor:Not to be used for the other use.
On Sainsbury's peanuts:Warning: contains nuts.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
On a Swedish chainsaw:Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
On a child's Superman costume:Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
Stupid Question
Do you cringe and shudder when someone asks a stupid, stupid, question.
Like, he is standing in a downpour, and asks,
Duh, is it still raining?
This one person decided to supress his gentle and kind nature to be a bit rude with his answer.
This is his answer.
Dubya's Plan for Crazies
Duba boasts,
Ha, I had "No Child Left Behind" with no funding. Blame was put on the schools and teachers while I got credit for "helping" kids.
Now with pressure to let people get Canadian drugs, I must do something to protect drug profits.
I will have all Americans screened for mental illness, then force them to buy specific drugs from my contributors.
Bigger banks will have to be built to hold my contributions.
Hasaad Is Gentle but firm
Graphic, nasty language.
Saga continued: Sadaam in USA after big escape. Owns sandwich shop and working for American dream.
Gently puts aside his gentle nature while on duty so no one takes advantage of him.
Answers phone with, F_ _ _ y _ _, a_ _ h_ _ _!
Wanna make something of that?
Hasaad's Gentle Nature Takes Over
Hasaad runs sandwich shop in USA to earn American dream. His escape from Iraq was dramatic. But, he is not about to take sass from customers.
He answers phone with pleasant,
What's your problem F_ _ _head?
Saturday, June 2, 2007
ho can't sing worth a shit won't shut up no matter how much you yell at him? Well, you can always ask him politely to pretty please 
France Defines women
France boasts,
We showed how enlightened we are during the Iraqi war. Now we settle the place of women in the world.
Hmmm, let's see, higher than a bug but lower than a dog?No, no. Hmmm, got it! We formally define and declare all non-males of the human specie to be one rung lower than homosexuals
You can insult women but not gays.
Guys, Does She really Love You?
Scientific test designed for guys who wonder if their gals really love them.
Easy, buy the "love-test" car, and take her out.
When you go home, check the car.
If it looks like this, well...
Santa Cops
You heard about the vicious criminal who littered the roadway and received just punishment.
Flashlight beating, kicks, hits, and various salty words.
Just a slap on wrist. This guy deserves the needle.
However, cops decide to show nice side. They say,
Ah, what the hell. Let him go.
Friday, June 1, 2007
Pro-Baby Killers: Unfair...Pro-Life License Granted
Pro-deathers chant,
Just a matter of time before recinded. But, the shock, awe, audacity, and horror of some low-life pro-lifers has left pro-deathers breathless.
Pro-deathers chant again,
To license a clinic to help pregnent women save babies is, well,...ah, there are no words to describe how obscene it is.
Gasp, we must go murder a few un/partially born babies to for quick relief.
Truly a day to live in infamy.
New Invention For More Drinking Time
You bladder is about to burst, but you don't dare go to the restroom, because the bar tender will pick up your drink, or some dork will spit in it? Get one of these. The main advantage is more drinking time with no worry about your drink.
Definitive Definition Of Racism
Many people are discriminated against because of their skin color.Now comes the classical example that eternally and clearly defines racism.
Imagine this scenario: You have white skin. The news media reports that a white man called you dirty and nasty, and it mistakenly said you have black skin.
Black people get angry, call for resignation of name caller and plan protests.
Then the media corrects itself and says the name caller is really white.
The people with black skin say,
Oh...well it's OK. We won't hold the protests.
Who are the racists?
Reward For Months Of Hard Work
H
A shining example is Richard R. Roscitt of MCI, the company that plans to fire 12,000 workers this year. But, Roscitt is not among them. He is too valuable and works too hard to be fired. His example shines forth to all CEOs and Presidents of big companies. He showed how anyone can earn $8,100,000 plus benefits in 7 months.
MCI boasts, We are proud of him. We take credit for his success. It reflects on us.
Male Beer Drinkers Only
Don't you hate it whenever nature calls and you must leave your bottle on the bar for just a second?
Barttender picks it up, someone spits it it, or whatever.
The worst part, however, is that is less boozing time.
A brand new device solves all these problems.
Does your bar have one yet? No? Go elsewhere and it will soon get one.
Payback Time
Payback Time
Your neighbor is a snob who thinks you are low-life. You really are but just don't like her saying it.
Teach lesson. Do what you do best: Be lowlife. Each night sneak into her bathroom and leave momento.
New Super Hero Pleads For a Little Help
Our newest Super Hero, Diaper Man, exhaused from fighing crime all day, sits down for a few minutes for a rest.
Diaper mans pleads,
I've been fighting crime to protect you. Won't you help me now?
I, er,...well, I need changing.
Florida Town Meeted Gross Injustice
Hard to imagine, but this town tried so hard to do the right thing.
Patting self on back while waiting for cheers from others.Then, in mockery of justice, court ruled against them.
ACLU in shock and disbelief. Then laugh, because realize it must be a joke.
ACLU says,
Ha! No one will believe this.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Megagross 101
Let's see. Someone as refined and couth as you would nver watch anthing as gross as this?
Ha! Gotcha.
Larn Da Corrick Wan To Spik
The English Language is Strange
Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?
Let's face itEnglish is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplantNo ham in the hamburgerAnd neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.English muffins were not invented in EnglandFrench fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for grantedBut if we examine its paradoxes we find that:Quicksand takes you down slowlyBoxing rings are squareAnd a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.If the plural of tooth is teethShouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beethIf the teacher taught,Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetablesWhat the heck does a humanitarian eat!?Why do people recite at a playYet play at a recital?Park on driveways andDrive on parkways
You have to marvel at the unique lunacyOf a language where a house can burn up as It burns downAnd in which you fill in a formBy filling it outAnd a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computersAnd it reflects the creativity of the human race(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is whyWhen the stars are out they are visibleBut when the lights are out they are invisibleAnd why it is that when I wind up my watchIt startsBut when I wind up this observation,It ends.
Laack Of Appreciation
911 dispatcher loves helping people in trouble. She carefully explains to callers what to do.
But, she is careful to protect the rights of all concerned.
She detailed exactly how to capture criminal.She was fired for reporting criminal during doughnut break.
Police smirk, We showed her what has priority.* Clermont, Fla., police 911 dispatcher Lorraine Stanton was fired in May as the result of bad performance reviews, not even counting an incident on her last weekend. A woman called to report a street gathering that included a man wanted by police, but according to the 911 tape, Stanton was not helpful: "Okay, that person would have to come to the police station, and we would have to check. When they come in, they'd have to bring ID." When the caller asked why a wanted man might voluntarily turn himself in, Stantonreplied, "Ma'am, that's the only way we can check." [WFTV-TV
Dubya And Hillary Show Scientific Side
The NFS, National Federation of Scientests, solved a big problem with Dubya's and Hillary's help.
Background:
They desperately need a cheap source of fuel to send a fleet of space ships to the ends of the Universe.
Solution: Use Lie-Clocks (Each person has one. Its hands move every time that person tells a lie.) Scientists put Dubya's and Yo-Yo's Lie-Clocks on the lead ship as propellers, hook the other ships to it, and let them go.
Possible trouble:They'd go faster than light which is impossible.
Hanoi Jane vs Linda R.
Linda Rondstat says,
I am a much bigger traitor than Hanoi Jane ever will be.
Hanoi Jane yawns,
Get real.
Another Myth Done Gone
Yep, another myth dispelled by Bex. You've heard about a zillion times that pirana can chow-down and clean-bone in a few seconds. Bull hockey. Here is proof that it is not true.
30 seconds...yeh, whatever.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Imagination Staggered: Pro-Lifers Win One
Pro-Deathers chant, How dare the judge side with those who say killing babies is wrong?
History Will Repeat Itself With Hillary
Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum
Who is spacey and who is dumb?
And now it's time for Hillary's turn,
How do think she will burn?
It Will Never Happen Again
Bex Warned Everyone
This site cannot be blamed. Everyone was warned of the consequences.
But, the odds against this ever happening were about a googleplex to one.
Dubya and Yo-Yo told their first-time truth at the same time on a bright, sunny day.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Selfish Man Leaves Work For Others To Do
Man in England tried to get away without finishing his work. Put associates in bind. Now he doesn't want to pay for the work he caused them to do. Tsk, tsk, tsk.*
The Times of London reported that when an employee of the James Beauchamp law firm in Edgbaston, England, recently killed himself, the firm billed his mother the equivalent of US$20,000 for the expense of finishing up his office work.
Included in that amount was a bill for about US$2,300 to go to hishome to find out why he didn't show up at work (thus finding hisbody), plus about US$250 to go to his mother's home, knock onher door, and tell her that her son was dead. (After unfavorable publicity, the firm withdrew the bill.) [The Times (London)]
UNC: No, No, No!
University of North Carolina has solution: Be stupid, irrational, or idiotic, as long as you are politically correct.
Christian organization must accept atheists, agnostics, devil worshipers, and whatever.
ACLU's True Nature
Can you think of anyone who will sign an agreement and lie to get moola?
Of course you can. But, what about a national organization? Of course.
What about an organization that claims to represent everything just and right?
Hmmm,Can you spell, ACLU?
Gestapo-Type Cops Forbid Call To Nature
Everyone, even Dubya and Chenney, have natural bodily functions that must be performed on a routine basis.
What happens when lazy cops have not met their quota near quitting time?
Easy answer:
They look for someone taking a poo, whip out ticket book, and grin.
Generous Bex To Aid Coming Presidental Campaignss
Bex has donated 100 of his BS trucks at each presidential campaign speech to aid everyone. Here is what one looks like hauling BS away after just 5 minutes of speech.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Britney Faces Truth
America's pop idol, B. Spears, wants to advertise zit-removal cream.
She shows "Before" photo and now just has to get a sponsor for "After" shot.
Which Is Which?
Miniture filly and baby. One is 2 days old the other two months. You think both are ugly? Ha, you ought to get a gander at their moms.
Recycled Milk
Yep! Can you believe it? That amazing Bex once again solves age-old mystry, ie, is the eye-bone connected to the mouth-bone?
Prez, VP, And All Congress Thank US Citizens
There has been enough name-calling, nay-saying, and back-biting among the Dems and GOP.
Now they get together for the first time ever to sincerely offer thanks to the American tax-payer.
All join in and gush,
All Americans, We know it is tough for those of you without health care, but think of how you help us.
We get 100% of health care, from prescriptions, to doctor visits, to hospitlizations, to lab tests, etc, covered without costing us one red cent. This includes our families.
If we didn't make these laws to cover ourselves, we would be in the same boat as you.We are so thankful that we are us rather than you.
Tongue Twisters
Ur friens mak fun of u, bcus you don speeka da Englesh so gut? Ha, tel dem to rede these fast.
Dis wil shut dem up.
Be Scamed No More
To help victims of internet scams Bex performs a public service. Just follow directions. Send $10 for S&H.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
